Free OCD Support Group
For many people living with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), finding meaningful connection and understanding can be challenging. How can one make sense of the intrusive thoughts, fears, and rituals that seem so foreign to those not affected by the condition? In this podcast between Hannah, an OCD patient advocate, and Erin H. Davis, we learn about Hannah's journey with OCD, how she sought therapy, and most importantly, how she is now facilitating a support group to help others have a safe space to open up about their challenges.
The Beginnings: Recognizing OCD
Hannah remembers harboring fears and anxieties from a young age, but it was not until her adulthood that she found out these feelings actually pointed toward OCD. But understanding what she was dealing with did not dissolve her thoughts and fears. If anything, it served to heighten her awareness about them and further exacerbate her anxiety about possibly causing harm to herself or her loved ones.
The Power of Therapy
Navigating therapy is a critical part of dealing with OCD. After realizing that her initial therapy sessions were not entirely helpful, Hannah sought a specialist in ERP (Exposure Response Prevention), an evidence-based therapy for OCD. Therapist interventions in OCD must be direct and constant, to prevent patients from resorting to harmful rituals or coping mechanisms.
Hannah’s therapists helped her challenge and talk back to her fears. Despite the being initially terrifying, each successful encounter with her fears without resorting to her compulsions emboldened her to take on bigger challenges. She highlights the importance of owing up to your thoughts and fears, for it's in recognizing them that you can begin traversing the path towards recovery.
Creating Safe Spaces: The Impact of Support Groups
Beyond professional help, seeking and providing peer support can prove life-changing. With her experience, Hannah found herself in a unique position to offer that kind of support. She started a support group to offer those struggling with similar experiences a platform to voice their fears and anxieties.
Being open about her experiences with OCD both in professional spaces and in her support group has helped Hannah normalize the condition, not just for herself but for others dealing with the same. Hannah's story is a testament to the transformative power of therapy, self-acceptance, and the nourishment that community support can provide.
Closing Thoughts
In the face of OCD, having someone guide you, challenge you, and tell you that no, you’re not ‘crazy’, can change the course of your journey. Seeking professional help, including the right therapy, might be an uphill task, but the rewards are worth it. And while therapy does its work, remember the power of community support and the relief that sharing your experiences can bring. Life with OCD can be daunting, but there will always be people ready to walk the journey with you.
Transcript:
[00:00:00]
We're partnering with NoCD to raise awareness about OCD. OCD is more than what you see on TV and in the movies. Imagine having unwanted thoughts about your relationship stuck in your head all day, no matter how hard you try to make them go away. That's Relationship OCD. It comes with unrelenting intrusive images, thoughts, and urges about your partner or loved one.
Breaking the OCD cycle takes effective treatment. Go to N O C D dot com to get evidence based treatment.
All right. Well, so today I'm talking with Hannah, and she's one of our locals. She's got a support group in Huntersville, and I'm really excited to be talking with you today,
Hannah. Thank you so much. I'm pumped. I've always wanted to do this, so thank you so much for having me. Yeah,
yeah, so a little backstory, Hannah and I got connected by email, she emailed me sharing this free [00:01:00] OCD support group and I thought, wow I really got to know about this group and tell my people about it.
So I'm happy to hear what this group looks like, how
often you meet, all those details.
Hi, I'm Erin, Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and OCD Specialist. I'm also a Christian, wife, mom to three, and small business owner, helping those who are overwhelmed by stress to climb out of that valley and enjoy the view. Reheat your coffee and pop in your AirPods to learn how to boss up to OCD.
Yeah, right now so it is a harm and sexual obsessions or intrusive thoughts people who are plagued with those things. They're not the most fun things to talk about. And my goal, I've been plagued with them my whole life.
My goal in starting the support group was to normalize those actions or those thoughts and how, like, how they just come about, they're [00:02:00] scary. You don't want to tell anybody you're thinking about a replay over and over.
And I joined a support group when I was in the thick of it. And they, I remember going into that support group I was super triggered because they would say crazy stuff not not even crazy, like knife or, yeah LGBTQ it's just whatever your theme is. And I'm like.
Oh, my God no, I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can do this. And then I thought about it in an ERP sense and I was just like, wait, a word's just a word. Like, why does that hold. Any value over me? Like, why is that like power? Yeah, and I was just the word ice cream didn't take value away from me or help power over me.
Maybe if I want ice cream, but, just little things like that. And so she said, well, that's been perspective. And then that support group was really honestly really funny. It was dealing with such scary taboo. Pieces of OCD that no one really wants to deal with.
I know there's a lot of people in there who are very nervous, especially I know it's pedophilia OCD. That is such a hard [00:03:00] 1 to deal with. And you can definitely tell honestly who's struggling with that 1 because they're scared to vocalize what they're talking about. And so, in that group, I got to a point where I was like, oh yeah, I've had that and they're like, how did you get rid of that?
And I'm like, we don't get rid of it. You just make peace with it. You ride that wave you ERP it out and. One day, it won't have that power and then it'll probably be a new theme and then you'll just be like, okay well, now it's that one.
Yeah, right. It's very cool. And you're, you've been through this so much so that you can sense what other people are going through and that's where it sounds like this group.
It sounds super beneficial to anybody because you're like, really, this is at its finest in a way yeah.
It's a full circle moment for myself somebody who never talked about these intrusive thoughts to holding a whole group about the scariest ones. And I say the scariest ones. I always think the current theme you're in, it's the most scary until you're in your next seat.
And then that one's most scary. But [00:04:00] that is that's the mentality I have. And that's what I tell people. Yes, this feels terrifying. And you always for myself, I'm always like, no, I had this thing. I want that being back. And then as soon as it comes back, I'm like, oh, my gosh, I don't want it.
What happened? I don't want that anymore. What did I do? And then and it's whatever the spirits were the scariest theme that you have is the 1 you're currently in and that's what I'm telling you, the support group. So. I met with a new OCD therapist when we moved to the Charlotte metro area, and she was talking, I was in OCD spiral and per use I was having a kind of like.
Relapse per se due to medical reasons, which we can talk about, but I was partnered with her worked with her. She was amazing. And she was like, you would be really good at talking about this. Have you ever. Considered being an advocate for steam. I was like, I haven't I was like, but, yeah, it's normal to me to talk about stuff.
When I go into therapy, I'm like, hey, this [00:05:00] is exactly how I feel. This is what's happening. This is, I know I should do this. I'm stuck right here. I don't know.
Right. Right. And such a good point because oftentimes once someone is ready for therapy, they're like, I've already done A to Z and I just need your help getting over that hump.
And so part of my work with people, it's we're going to come out of that valley and
enjoy the view. Yeah, and that's the most beautiful thing. You can get to that space when you're like, this is actually working. This is making me feel better. I'm dealing with scary stuff and she had me on a hierarchy of, starting with the smallest thing to the biggest thing.
So. Support group 1 of the things that I value that I have not value, but I have such a blessing is. I do have the flexibility and the money to afford therapy and I know there can be very expensive, especially therapy and. Awesome support groups, [00:06:00] it's like another step into me and recovery talking about it with your peers, just having somebody else.
Yes, I have a CD. I have scary thoughts. You do too. That's so cool. How will you do? What do you do? You do? I always find it fascinating hearing tips. And so that's why I wanted the support group to be free and reachable to anyone struggling with tabloid stuff. Right. Well, it's just it's newer, I think people with taboo OCD tend to be really hard on themselves. And so I think a little ERP and a little act therapy and. Mix that in together and you're gonna start feeling better. Hopefully really soon.
Yes. I've taken trainings with a lot of awesome examples of E. R. P. and they're great.
They will even do live demos in her trainings. And so the participants are like. Doing all sorts of stuff. I'm like, wow, this is incredible.
It is. And it's so scary when you're in it. You're like, no, I could never do that. I can never accept these thoughts.
Cause if I accept it, then what does that mean about me? And how does that make [00:07:00] me feel? And am I that person when I accept it? And , you're not accepting that's who you are. You're accepting that you have thoughts random thoughts all throughout the day.
And sometimes you get 1 that just sticks in your head and you just need to sit there with it and just. I like calling it like ride the wave just ride that anxiety.
And the point you're making about therapy. Yeah, I run into that many times.
And I'm planning to do an episode in the future about how to afford therapy. So I'm going to have a whole episode dedicated to that because there are a lot of nuances and just, Tips and tricks, especially if you're like using insurance or navigating out of network benefits,
like it's
a lot. It
is. Yeah, and it's
so much and it's a legitimate thing. That's why I plan to do a whole episode about payment because it is such a big deal.
So,
and I love that you're offering this free support group.
So it's like happening every other week at a church, right?
Yes, so [00:08:00] I wanted to keep it free. I needed a free to lower in. Then you and yeah, so I know sometimes I don't want to turn people off thinking. Yes, it's at a church, but it's not like a religious affiliated group. The church has amazing housing for us to be in a private area.
No, 1's around hearing your thoughts. Because I know that's like something that goes through my mind all the time. I'm like people who don't get to see what do they think we're talking about? And everybody's thinking that. So it is a seclusive area. No, 1 is going to hear your thoughts or what you're we're talking about, but it's also it's very minimal.
I just pay. I think it's 20 bucks every meeting for myself. It's asked for no donations. And it's great it's very helpful. I think for everyone. Yeah I'm pumped. I love talking about OCD stuff. Now. I never thought I could say that because I've been dealing with it since I was 7.
Yeah, it's been a whole full circle moment. I love it. It's been, it's going to be who I am, and it's been really [00:09:00] cool.
Right? So tell me about the time going back to whenever you 1st learned about OCD and it sunk in this is what it is like, this is what I'm suffering from.
Yeah. So when I was seven, I, What I was a very kind of anxious child any, in any ways. And when I was seven, I wanted to hang out with my parents, but it was like past bedtime and it was like a school night. And I really wanted to ask them like a question, but they were watching a scary movie. So I like hid behind the wall so they could enjoy their movie.
And I was trying to be patient and wait to ask them something when it went to commercial. And I remember so vividly, like somebody, it could have been like ER, it could have been like crazy. And I don't know what it was. I just remember it was like a lot of blood. And then that stuck in my head, like somebody got killed.
And I was like, Oh, what if I accidentally killed somebody? And so I stood on that thought for about two days and I just had a full breakdown with my mom. She, I remember it so, so, so [00:10:00] vividly. She was doing sit ups in the in our dining or in our living room. And I was like, mom, I have to tell you something.
And I'm seven. And she's like, what? And I said, I need you to hide the butter knives. And she's like butter knives. Like, and in my, in my seven year old brain, that's the only knife you're allowed to use, or in our household, that was the only knife I was allowed to use at seven. So I'm like, I have access to butter knives.
What if I sleepwalk and kill my whole family? And I tell her that. Full panic moment. She is panicking. She's like, what? And then she didn't know what OCD was. And then my dad comes in the room and he's like, why are you crying? And I told him, and then he is such an even keeled person. Like he was like, that's interesting.
Yeah. Like that could happen, but that's okay. That's not going to happen. Could probably not. I don't think he realized he was in ERP at that moment, like accepting this wild thought.
You're not going to do that. Yeah, but he was living in that uncertainty before he knew what was, [00:11:00] which was cool. And so then I started having really bad panic attacks because these thoughts weren't going away and I would have them in school. They morphed into like health OCD almost where I was like, I have a headache.
Oh, brain tumor. And then I was just like, crying. My parents over and over. Do I have a brain tumor? Do I have a brain tumor or if my stomach hurt I'm like, do I have cancer? Do I have cancer? I would feel like my muscles and it would. If something felt off I'm like, something's wrong with my body and I'm just over and over.
Let's go to the doctor. Let's go to the doctor. And they were just like so they took me to a psychiatrist or psychologist. I can't remember. And that's when they found out it was. Now, my parents have been amazing throughout this, but they thought in that time that if we just took anxiety medication, it would go away and for a while it did it I don't want to say suppress the class, but it just leveled my hormones or serotonin out and.
Yeah, well, it faded
probably a little bit
with the intensity. Yeah. And as a kid that, I [00:12:00] just needed that. And then I think I was dealing with anxiety so much as a kid anyways, that I was just so comfortable at that point. And so then in high school, I had the first I guess what we call, what it's called S-O-O-C-D.
So sexual orientation, OCD, that all of a sudden hit. I am 13 years old. I was like sick in bed watching. It was like in a manner behind the show and her dad ended up kissing another man. Never. I like, I had seen everything before. And so, but for whatever reason, in that moment, I was like, what if I did that what?
And then I was like, wait, why am I thinking that? And then it just started going to spiral. And so that I have to confess my mother. I'm a mother. And so I tell her, I'm what if I'm gay? What if I'm bi? What is this? And she goes, yeah. And she's oh, who cares? And I was like, but it's I need to know.
I need to know right now. This feels very scary. And she was just like, that's, it really wouldn't matter. Like, [00:13:00] why would it matter? And I was like, no, you don't understand. It does matter. I don't know why, but it does. And and so, then that played out over time. And then. Yeah. They were just like, this is like a thing.
It'll just pass. They didn't register that because I don't think they were educated fully on how they could the themes to change. Right,
and kind of to this part about the sexual orientation, OCD, that really goes back to the intrusive thoughts. That is the heart of intrusive thoughts, involuntary thoughts, but the intrusive thought causes this panic and this distress
and you have to figure it out.
We're partnering with NoCD to raise awareness about OCD. OCD is more than what you see on TV and in the movies. Imagine having unwanted thoughts about your relationship stuck in your head all day, no matter how hard you try to make them go away. That's Relationship OCD. It comes with unrelenting, intrusive images, thoughts, and urges about your partner or loved [00:14:00] one.
If you think you may be struggling with Relationship OCD, there's hope. NoCD offers effective, affordable, and convenient OCD therapy. NoCD therapists are trained in Exposure Response Prevention Therapy, the gold standard treatment for OCD. With NoCD, you can do virtual Live face to face video sessions with one of their licensed specialty trained therapists.
It's affordable and they accept most major insurance plans. Breaking the relationship OCD cycle takes effective treatment. To get started with NoCD, go to nocd. com slash savage.
Yes, and there's no figuring it out. Rationale makes absolutely no sense. You can never satisfy and when I learned later in life, and I did figure out a lot of this was the city that's actually a more common 1 when you're going through puberty because you're figuring out a lot of stuff about you, which I thought was really interesting.
I can actually. And this is not normal for everyone, but I can map [00:15:00] back certain stuff that have triggered my thoughts, which is really interesting. As working with my therapist, it's been really neat, but. So, they would remember in high school I had this 1 boy, I was dating and I was literally so obsessed with him.
I, he was like, love of my life. We were like, 15. And I'm just like, oh, this is it. This is it. We're love. And I remember one day a little smooch on the couch and I just had this intrusive thought. What if he leaves me? What if you do? I did not love me. Do I not love him? What is happening?
Yes. And that made me. So scared in that moment, as we're kissing, I turned away and just puked everywhere, literally puked everywhere as a 15 years old, 15 or 16. I was mortified. I was like, Oh, my God. And he was very nice. He was like, Oh, my gosh, are you sick? And, I didn't know what was happening in my head at that time.
So I was just like, yeah, so, so sick. Oh, hope you don't catch this. I knew it was anxiety, but I was like, Oh, my [00:16:00] God. And he was really nice about it, but yeah, so it all went, it's fine. She was about to focus on what I was what I probably said. So, I figured out all this.
I was seeing the school. I was under the gun, I went through a breakup. I was in grad school teaching. I find I was doing an internship, but also found my 1st job at a grad school and there's just so many stressors that I was watching. Law and order you and the pedophilia kick in and I just remember being absolutely sitting here.
I was just like, what is happening in my brain? My body cold and hot. I couldn't sleep this went on for about 3 weeks. So I was just dealing with this internally. And it was just over and over that I can do school. I was like, crying to my dad. I'm like, I just really stress. I didn't want to tell him I was stressed, but I was like, very.
Very stressed and [00:17:00] so, that those are like, to me, 1 of the more taboo ones. The scariest ones I've ever had. And so I was just like, how will he take this? I am going to need to be locked up in a mental institution. Something is wrong with me. And so I got really.
Bad I guess my depression and where that almost had suicide ideation at that point. Right? It wasn't suicide. I speak. I've also experienced that 1 in my early team. But it just got very scary. Very dark. I wasn't functioning. I was eating. I lost 30 pounds, crazy. Yeah, and that happened
because so many times people with they're saying it is so intense that can't do anything.
And they've lost all joy and they can't go out, they withdraw and everything is really heavy and
it was impossible. Sometimes it is so bad. And I'm like, a kind of like a high that high achiever perfectionist. So I was struggling when I'm like, I can't get this stuff done that I need to get done [00:18:00] because I'm so tied up in my head that I just want to sleep.
I was like, because I feel like when I'm sleeping, that's when I get the peace it quiets because I'm in bed. And so when the suicidal ideation started, I was just like, okay, something is wrong with me. We, I was like, I have to either go see a therapist and he'd tell me I'm crazy. I was like, because something's got to give something's got to give.
And I remember looking at do people get scary thoughts? I think that's something I've had to do on Google. And at that time, it was called intrusive thoughts. org, but it's now made of millions. That came up and it said, hey, you actually might be struggling with OCD. And I was like. I already have that.
Yeah, I was like, I have that. What do you mean? This is OCD, but what do you mean? Look through there, look at the
details. When we went as a child to get medicine, it was like, yeah, okay, they just communicated, take this medicine we'll be fine. Did they even say OCD at
that time? They did, but I think my parents took it as I'm more [00:19:00] like a hypochondriac like they were like, oh, it's probably the hypochondriac. She gets terrified of stuff, but she just over panics and it should be fine in a couple weeks should be fine. And then I got off. I remember getting off medicine middle school. Just because they were like, oh, you seem to be fine.
And I think it's more of a generation thing with them. They, that's just not something they focused on. My parents generation and. Yeah,
parents now, it's hard having that conversation about medicine and just talking about how it can be helpful. And it's always up to you and your doctor, but, just maybe go have a conversation with
your doctor and see if they say, yeah, it was like, confusing and.
And so I went to that there. Well, I saw intrusive thoughts. They said it could be so I started Googling OCD therapist near me. And I said, okay, if this guy says, this is an OCD. And that I'm just crazy, I had my wing picked out and mental institution. I was like, this will be my room. We'll decorate it really cute.
I was like, this is how it's going to be. And then and then went into that [00:20:00] meeting and I told him everything it was. It took so much courage to tell him exactly what was happening. I've never done that with anybody. Yeah. I was just at a break. So true. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. It is terrifying telling somebody what you're going through and he just looked at me and was like, oh, yeah, that's what you're describing.
It's so sweet. Yeah you're just a new theme and I was like, what? It was such a relief. I was bawling happy and bad. I'm like, I hate having this, but oh, my gosh, this makes so much more sense now. I was like, wow, I can finally connect in my brain. Okay, but at that point, he wasn't an ERP specialist.
He said he specializing, but who's more CBT?
So not quite what you need in almost,
but not quite and seeing. I didn't know that at that point. I wasn't so into my OCD knowledge and he was great. For that time making me understand how he works. He wasn't pushing me. So I got to a point in I guess my city journey of recovery.
I he wasn't pushing [00:21:00] me and I don't want to. Everyone hates right? You hate us. You hate her. You are Pete. 1 of them is going to make you feel better. You got to choose the 1 that's been proven to make you feel better. Yes, right? I know, because
you're already on call by the why not? Try one hour of ERP per week.
Yeah,
it's going to be insane
bounds better. You're going to get a lot of time back a lot of
energy back.
You're going to get freedom in your
mind. Yes. It was a gang painter and that's when I started. I was like, why do I not feel better? Like, why don't I feel better? And I don't have medication. I got on at that point, I was on like, I did want to quick, but I was like, yes, but I'm still having anxiety.
Like, how do I get on? How do I stop this? And since I was still in grad school, I'd actually I went from undergrad to grad school. So, I was still with my, my, what is it? Pediatrician. I was still with my pediatrician. I had not made a new connection. I'm like 20, [00:22:00] 22 years old and I'm like, hey, it's me. Yeah, I was like, I need help.
It was actually very and at that 1, I've gotten. I got to feel it, but I get nervous. I don't eat. So they were like, it's like a constant battle in my head. What is going on in your head? He was very nervous and he was just like, we need to get you on medication and I'll say, no. Sounds good to me.
I'll try anything at this point. I will do what you say. And so for me, that worked really well. I got Alexa pro at 1st. For 5 years, and then I also was like, looking for a new therapist, probably about year 2. That's when I started really diving into what is. And then I joined. Oh, wow.
So even it took a long time. You
were seven years old getting treatment for OCD and then probably not until your mid twenties.
Are you getting the ERP? Yeah, because it he didn't tell me really much about it. I don't think. Wow. I think he knew some of it but I don't think he knew [00:23:00] like enough to be like effective with a hierarchy, if that makes sense.
So, and then I'm dealing with transition of life going from school. I've been in school as the time to. Oh, my gosh, we're going into the workforce. So then you got that stress on. But I ended up finding no CD in that area because there wasn't many OCD therapists there. So. I was like, let's try this new CD.
Let's see what that's about. And the therapist that I had in Tennessee when I lived there, she was the best. She was so cool. She goes oh, yeah, but we're going to pretend like you don't have.
We're partnering with NoCD to raise awareness about OCD. OCD is more than what you see on TV and in the movies. Imagine having unwanted thoughts about your relationship stuck in your head all day, no matter how hard you try to make them go away. That's Relationship OCD. It comes with unrelenting intrusive images, thoughts, and urges about your partner or loved one.
Breaking the OCD cycle [00:24:00] takes effective treatment. Go to N O C D dot com to get evidence based treatment.
Because again, the current boyfriend I'm with. We've been best friends since we're 5 and he's been like a rock through all of this, but my city latch on to him and saying, does he love me?
Do I love him? And I would be sitting on the couch watching TV, like a football game or something. And I would just look at him and go, I love you and wanting him to get back to me. It's like a reassurance. Right? He was just like, I love you too. That's such a random thing to say in the middle of the foot, yeah. And it wasn't like, out of I do love him, but it wasn't out of the love. It was more about a compulsion of I need this insurance right now. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. You
had a very positive experience with a no CD therapist.
Thank you so much for listening to part one of the interview with Hannah. Come back next week to learn more about her story and her journey with [00:25:00] OCD. In wrapping up this month of religious OCD, I wanted to throw out a book recommendation that's called The Doubting Disease and it was written by now I may butcher, the author's name, but the author is Joseph Ciarochi, and I'm going to put a link to that book in the show notes.
Thank you for listening to another episode of Bossing Up Overcoming OCD. This information is intended to be helpful and not a substitute for professional counseling. If you're struggling with any mental health challenges, I encourage you to seek help from a qualified therapist or health care professional.
If you enjoyed today's episode, please take a moment to rate and review the show. Your feedback helps us reach more listeners and don't forget to check out the affiliate links in the show notes for free. For hand picked recommendations that can brighten your day. Your support through these links helps keep the show running and provide valuable content.
You're not alone in your journey. Stay strong, stay resilient, and keep bossing up. See you [00:26:00] next time.
