Am I Good Enough? Mindset on Self Worth
This episode dives deep into how mindset influences our self-esteem and relationships. I share my personal growth journey and statistical insights, noting that 85% of people experience low self-esteem. Discover actionable strategies to boost your confidence, improve self-worth, and enhance connections.
You'll learn why low self-esteem often leads to self-sabotage and how to combat these thoughts by focusing on your vision for relationships, avoiding comparison traps, and practicing gratitude. Let's debunk the myth that you need perfect self-love to have healthy relationships and embrace the notion that we are all worthy of love. Join me in transforming relationship doubts into clarity and confidence.
00:00 Introduction to Mindset
01:09 Understanding Low Self-Esteem
02:57 Personal Journey and Overcoming Self-Sabotage
04:13 Relationship OCD and Self-Esteem
06:24 Debunking the Self-Love Myth
13:22 Transforming Relationship Doubts
16:00 Gratitude and Positive Mindset
17:26 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
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[00:00:00] This episode is all about mindset. Mindset plays such a key role in the relationship with yourself and with others. So it could show up as, am I enough? Am I good enough? Am I worthy? Am I deserving? All of these questions can feel very triggering, especially if you have a low self esteem.
In this episode, you'll hear about my own journey of self esteem growth. And I'm also going to
[00:01:00] share with you some strategies to help you build your confidence and help you improve the relationship that you have from within.
Okay, and doing a quick grab of statistics about self esteem, it's a surprise or maybe not that 85 percent of people around the world are affected by low self esteem.
That statistic comes from, , psychologytoday. com and let me kind of break down what low self esteem It's one of those things that we throw out a lot also, and so many times I'll get a mom call me up and say, I want you to help my daughter or my son with their self esteem. They really have a low self esteem and that can show up in a variety of different ways for people.
But if we're being honest, like low self esteem is behind so much self sabotage. So depending
[00:02:00] upon the person. In my opinion, low self esteem does show up as those acts of self sabotage. Really, when someone is struggling, I view it as we are all capable of accomplishing great and amazing things and truly whatever we set our minds to, because all it takes is a plan and executing the plan.
Now, I totally get All right. That some are born with a silver spoon, but that's besides the point. I mean, if you go out on YouTube, there are so many like first generation millionaires, there are people who are wildly successful without that success being handed to them. And so it's truly possible. And I think. Another thing, if you are looking for success and have been waiting for that big break, keep staying confident in yourself and be patient in the process.
If you would have asked me a year ago,
[00:03:00] What I would be doing today. I totally wouldn't have told you that I would be running a podcast and would be going strong a year in. And in fact, I just launched a Pinterest page last month and it is booming with pins and follows. I'm just so excited to see that new direction happening, even in my own business.
So whatever you're struggling with today, When it comes to low self esteem, you're going to get some actionable strategies to help you in overcoming these self defeating behaviors. The reason this low self esteem thing is so important to me, not only do we all go through it, but it has created a lot of hardship even in my own life. Low self esteem happens when you have a negative view of yourself. And when you have that negative view of yourself, it can lead to some behaviors that are just self
[00:04:00] defeating. It's like you count yourself out before you even try.
And so instead of seeing yourself as worthy or deserving or valuable, You shortchange yourself. So the way this could show up in OCD and especially in relationship OCD is having a hyper focus on perfectionism. Possibly feeling like you're never quote unquote good enough. And that leads you to checking and getting reassurance on things that are an impossible standard.
And I'm sure a lot of you ladies can relate to this, the fear of being judged, the fear of being rejected. You may avoid social situations or you will overanalyze conversations, worrying that you embarrassed yourself or you offended someone. And ultimately, all of those fears and doubts and the low self
[00:05:00] esteem It keeps you small.
And to be honest, even in thinking about recording this episode, I had a lot of hesitation because I knew I would be real with you and share with you my own mindset struggles. But then I got to thinking like, we're all in this together. We're not, I mean, really like we're not born feeling 100 percent confident and thinking that we're on top of the world and especially if you have had some things happen in your life, that confidence can feel that much harder to obtain. All right. And then in relationship OCD, your low self esteem. Could show up as constantly asking for reassurance of do you love me? Are you happy with me? Or you are constantly fearing that your partner will find someone quote unquote bitter. Listen,
[00:06:00] y'all, you are that best partner. Now, the other thing, too, you could be overthinking about compatibility. Whether the relationship is right or you're in that comparison itis game. And that comparison only leads to jealousy and further disconnection in your relationship. I want to stomp out that cliche of you need to love yourself first before you can truly love someone else. That is such baloney, major baloney too, because even with low self esteem to an extent, we do love ourselves. And that cliche seems to bring on so much shame and guilt and it also ignores how we are created for connection.
[00:07:00] And it is through our connection with other people, especially healthy people, that we can start to feel more whole.
And that's Again, it just bewilders me that people think they need to be alone in order to be better with others. Like, when has that ever worked? Don't you know that isolation in prison is like the ultimate punishment? So why would we do that in our free world? Yeah, I just hate that cliche so much. You do not need to love yourself perfectly in order to be in a healthy relationship. Now, you need to have healthy behaviors towards your partner and respect their boundaries and all the things, but when is anything ever perfect and when do you ever stop really loving yourself? Now, there are times where we may have some self
[00:08:00] loathing and not really like something we've done, but deep down, we, we still love ourselves. And you are already worthy of being loved. And love can feel so confusing these days. To keep it simple, love is a positive action towards someone else.
In my dating years, I made so many bad choices in relationships, particularly the romantic relationships. And it wasn't until I found my husband and my husband treating me with respect and love and really unconditional respect that I started to change my mindset around low self esteem. I knew from the very beginning, when I met my husband, that
[00:09:00] I was extremely lucky. But going into that relationship, I was already damaged and strongly influenced from a lot of negativity and disrespect that I got in previous relationships. In particular, I had a long term relationship with someone for about four years, unfortunately, this person was so manipulative and would guilt trip me over so many things. And I remember really hoping and praying for someone like my husband and I had such a difficult time leaving this toxic relationship. I was afraid of what if I don't Find someone better. What if this is the best that it gets?
And ultimately I got the courage to
[00:10:00] leave. I had tried many times to break up with him and leave. But, you know how it goes with toxic people, they still try to show up in your life and they find tricky and stinky ways to do so. Kind of like OCD. So, I remember, we were driving down the highway, and my feet are on the dash, and there's a country song playing, and no, it's not a Taylor Swift song. In fact, I don't know if Taylor Swift was even big back at this. In fact, , it was Rascal Flatts playing on the radio and it was the song, My Wish. And the chorus was going, My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to. And I thought, wow, if I had a, a man say that to me, like, How empowering would that feel?
Okay, so then the chorus keeps
[00:11:00] going Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, and you never need to carry more than you can hold. And while you're out there getting what you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too. That chorus just hit me and like I'd heard that song a hundred times before, but when I heard the chorus this time as we were riding in the car and he was driving it I, I turned to my boyfriend at that time, now ex, and I asked him, Do you think we want the same things?
And like, isn't it wild? Like, we have been together for so long, and it just occurred to me, like, Do we even want the same future? And you know what he said? He's like, Yeah, I think so. I think, uh, we'll live together and see how it goes. And I'm thinking, like, See how it goes. What are you talking about? You mean we've
[00:12:00] been together for four years and we're still doing a trial run? I was like, nope, I'm done. If I am still on a trial run basis with him after four years, I cannot imagine a lifetime of that. So that was the last day I saw him and a new fire was lit in me like never before. I wanted a man that was going to be a real man who prioritized me enough to want to marry me and spend forever with me. Gets me emotional even thinking about it but, but y'all right after that I met my husband and now we've been married for 15 and a half years but together for about 17 so it has been So incredible. Once I made that mindset shift of, I'm not doing a trial run. I
[00:13:00] know I'm worth marrying. I know I'm worth having someone by my side forever. All, all imperfections aside, I was ready. All imperfections aside, you are deserving of love. No one is perfect. And that's why in creating my Obsess Less, Love More program, where you are transforming your relationship doubts into clarity and confidence, you can deepen the connection with your true love. So with the mindset strategies, I want you to start by envisioning. Your future relationship, if you're already in a relationship and it feels like there's a lot of doubts and whatnot happening, I want you to envision it in the way that you dream of
[00:14:00] have, for example, you dream of having a happy, healthy relationship where you feel fully connected. Things feel clear and you're growing and you feel like you can expand, like Not only in your own self, but your relationship, it just feels so expansive and warm and encouraging. So start there, start with the vision of where you want it to go.
Second, and this is part of the program where you'll learn to stop the comparisonitis. Comparing your relationship to other people won't serve you. Trying to gauge like, well, they seem to be so happy, why aren't we? Or, they seem to be having, they seem to have more compatibility than we do. They seem to get along a lot better than we do. Go ahead
[00:15:00] and step away from those stories because those stories, um, are only creating some helplessness and it's not giving your relationship a fair chance because it would be a lot more empowering if you were to look at your relationship and say like yeah we're having fun or like we're working through some things like that's a totally different lens and vantage point versus well they're having fun why aren't we like there's nothing you can do about other people's relationship and that's completely out of your control. So, therefore you are shifting to what is within your control and step into your relationship fully by being in the present and not comparing it to other people, other things, nothing. I call that comparisonitis and it is poison for your relationship if you go into the comparison
[00:16:00] game. And the third thing is gratitude. We've gone through the season of Thanksgiving and we're also coming up on Christmas and the winter holidays with more family time. Gratitude can be so valuable in shifting your mindset, getting you to a more positive place and looking at things from an optimistic viewpoint. The gratitude can be applied to yourself, It can also be applied to your partner, could be applied to your relationship. You could start with writing down three things each day that you're grateful for. Gratitude untangles doubt and it totally debunks the negativity because you could be questioning within yourself of what if I'm not enough? Yet when you apply gratitude and you start to see
[00:17:00] the awesome qualities that you have, you'll say, wow, I've got so much to offer. It could be gratitude about how far you've come in managing your OCD or gratitude in making progress, no matter where you are in your mental health journey. It could be gratitude for even taking the first step towards self improvement.
In closing, you don't need to be perfect in order to be loved. I encourage you to give yourself a chance to fully love yourself and to be present in your relationship.
And if you're struggling with the mindset, join my Obsess Less, Love More program and you can join that by going to livebeyonddoubt. com. Your mindset matters. Building your self worth and your confidence. Can lead you to loving
[00:18:00] more deeply and without fear. You deserve that. Overall, we all have our own stories and our own stuff that has led us to where we are today. And I encourage you to share your story to help others because you don't know how it may help support someone else. And. So many people struggle with low self esteem that it's pretty safe to say you're not alone if you have a long history with self esteem problems or are going through ups and downs with low self esteem. Overall main message here today is that you are enough. And next week, come back to hear the message about what if they change it's when your cope and it's going to be the episode is going to
[00:19:00] be about coping with fear of losing that honeymoon phase in your relationship you know some people worry about how they'll fall out of love or it's just an infatuation and what if it fades so Can't wait to bring that message to y'all next week. And again, you are worthy and you are enough. Take care. [00:20:00]
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