What It’s Like Having Jealousy OCD
In this episode of the 'Bossing Up Overcoming OCD' show, broadcast at the start of 2025, the focus is on understanding and combating jealousy, particularly as it manifests in OCD. The host discusses how jealousy affects relationships, why it stems from perceived threats, and differentiates it from envy.
Key strategies to tackle jealousy OCD include recognizing harmful thoughts, practicing gratitude, and engaging in exposure exercises. Listeners are also introduced to the host's 'Obsess Less, Love More' program, which provides a supportive community for those dealing with relationship-related OCD issues.
00:00 Introduction and New Year's Greetings
00:41 Today's Topic: Jealousy and OCD
02:16 Understanding Jealousy in Relationships
06:12 Sneaky Ways Jealousy Manifests
19:38 Strategies to Overcome Jealousy OCD
30:16 Conclusion and Upcoming Topics
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Erin H. Davis: [00:00:00] I don't think that light does anything. I'm going to need a better light. Okay.
All right. What's up? What's up? Happy new year. Hope everyone is off to a great start. And if you have set that new year's resolution, I hope that you can see it through. Okay. Super excited about today's episode because. I feel like it's something we all struggle with, like in being real, a lot of the things that, sorry, a lot of the things that I like to share with you guys, I feel like we can all totally relate.
So today's hot topic is about jealousy.
Why jealousy? Because it actually shows up in OCD and is a compulsion. Yes, there is a such thing as OCD jealousy. Wow. Yeah.
And I'm super excited that you're here on the Bossing Up Overcoming OCD show in the start of 2025. This show has been going a year strong and I would very much appreciate a review, a five star review for the show to keep it bumping up the list.
That way we can share more of this information with more people.
And, speaking of New Year's resolutions, a lot of you may be going to the gym, trying to shed a few pounds. Well, what if this year you decide to shed the weight of jealousy? Jealousy can weigh you down, it can weigh down your relationship, and it really prevents you from building a deeper trust with your true love, but also with yourself.
And I'm also going to be telling you about my Obsess Less, Love More program that's ramping up and starting this year. No need to worry. Pay right away. All I'm looking for is for you to enroll and just see if you are interested in joining the program This is going to be an awesome opportunity to connect with other ladies dealing with Relationship worries Relationship OCD if you've never had a diagnosis, don't worry You are still welcome to enroll and you can enroll in my Obsess Less Love More program at live beyond You LiveBeyondDoubt.
com that's LiveBeyondDoubt. com and
jealousy is truly one of those things that it would feel so nice to not experience this year like starting this year fresh in 2025 we're going to make a change we are going to flip the script on the jealousy not going to have it anymore And let me start by defining jealousy, because some of you may be wondering, like, what is jealousy?
And side note, a lot of times OCD people, they want to be sure, sure that they know what we're talking about. Or I've talked with plenty of OCD sufferers who are even like, can you repeat what you said, because they want to be sure they heard it correctly. And essentially. At the end of the day, OCD is all the same.
Well, basically, where you want certainty, you want guarantees, and Yeah, so we're gonna really break this down about jealousy. So, what is jealousy? Jealousy is an emotional response where you feel a perceived threat to your relationship. Particularly to a romantic relationship, but, you know, in being real, like, I've even experienced it in friendships.
Man, that was, I was on the struggle bus hard in elementary school. We couldn't be a three pair of friends.
[00:05:00] So, this perceived threat could be real or imagined.
And the reason why you're wanting certainty around your relationship is because this jealousy is actually rooted in the fear of losing love, losing attention, losing security, losing a friendship.
So, let's talk about those two things. Sneaky ways that jealousy can show up in your relationships and hang around till the end where I give you those actionable strategies. That's the way I like to structure the show. So if you're new to the show, I like to give you a highlight, an intro in the beginning, and then towards the end you're going to have your action items and a summary to help get you on your way.
But ultimately Y'all, I hope you get into coaching or therapy, whatever your path is, I really want you to get the support that you need and maybe 2025 is that time for you. All right. Those sneaky ways that jealousy shows up in relationships include
constant need for reassurance, right? I mean, sounds familiar, doesn't it? You're wanting reassurance that your partner loves you You may also ask them if they love or are attracted to like that other person that you're, that you are potentially jealous of, or, you know, jealousy and envy to me are very similar, and you may hear those used interchangeably as I talk throughout today's episode,
but if, if we want to be real clear, cause I know that's how y'all like to roll, jealousy is the emotion of the perceived threat. Whereas envy is you are wanting something that someone else has. And, uh, envy is more like the grass is greener on the other side mindset, like wishing you had your friend's relationship, wishing you had your friend's marriage.
And then going back to jealousy, you're afraid someone is going to take what is yours. Okay.
The jealousy is totally going to rain on your parade, where you're going to fall into that trap of comparing that,
and that comparison can show up like comparing yourself to your partner's exes, yikes, and it could be even coworkers or their hobbies, like, oh, they enjoy hunting more than they do going on a date with me when this is, again, likely very false narratives that are spinning up in your brain creating some stress for you and a loss of connection with your partner.
Okay, you could also notice some unspoken resentment where you're holding on to anger or bitterness for some. Scenarios that again are coming from those false narratives. So let me give you an example.
Okay. That unspoken resentment could come up if let's say you're seeing another girl pop up on your boyfriend's feed,
[00:10:00] stories, etc. So imagine like a few months ago, you see a girl, maybe we'll call her Emma and Emma is showing up on your boyfriend's stories and maybe she's liking all of his stuff and leaving comments
and you know that they work together and so it's hard for you to be chill about it because then you're starting to feel different. You're feeling uncomfortable and every time your boyfriend brings up Emma in conversation. The logical side of you knows that it's unreasonable to be upset, like there's no evidence of them cheating or her trying to take your boyfriend from you, but you're feeling it on the inside and you can't shake the feeling.
And so instead of addressing it, you will
start to get irritated or snippy about Maybe anything, but more than likely, you're going to get snippy about any conversation revolving around Emma, or maybe you're going to start to say something, even though, no, hang on.
Or you may ask a question of like, is there anything between you and Emma? Boyfriend Ken.
Your boyfriend. We'll try to put your mind at ease, but he's going to notice, right. That like you're suspicious or like you're upset and he doesn't want any drama. Like you see where I'm going with this. Right. And so this resentment builds and it's like an invisible wall between the two of you.
Because in a way you feel like your boyfriend could have reassured you differently, or maybe you just don't believe him.
And your boyfriend could feel confused and frustrated because he can't help who he works with. And he can sense that you're feeling, er, that you're acting distant.
Now, if we were to take this a step further, your jealousy could go as far as trying to take control. Maybe you are setting strict rules or boundaries for er,
Your boyfriend, your husband, your significant other, those strict rules could show up like not texting the opposite sex gender, or if you're homosexual, then bisexual, all the things like you're going to be setting up rules like you can't text so and so. It could be constant location sharing. Restricted social media use, maybe some more boundaries around your friendships like you can't stay out or you can't hang out with so and so or you can't go to any work events without me.
Okay,[00:15:00]
so as you can see, all of these checking behaviors are important. Okay, so, um, The asking for reassurance, the resentment, the comparisons, the control, it really starts to undermine your relationship. It doesn't help you truly build trust. And as you've heard me before, or as you've heard me say before, all of these things are compulsions that are feeding your OCD.
And that is only going to make things worse.
Jealousy can feel super unpleasant on the inside, and it really makes you feel small, right? It, it almost reminds me of like,
it almost reminds me of the scarcity mindset, as if there's not enough value in your own worth in the relationship, as if you're not enough for your significant other.
You know, the other thing I was thinking about in preparing for this episode, did y'all ever see the TV series with Khloe Kardashian called The Revenge Body?
Yeah, I watched it for half of an episode and I was like, Oh no, thank you. I didn't really find it all that entertaining and seems like I was not alone in thinking that because It was rated three and a half stars out of ten on the IMDB website. Um, so what Chloe did in her show is she helped fans who had gained weight to try to get revenge on people from their past.
And I don't think that Like that's not healthy energy. If you're going to lose weight, why not do it for you? Why are you still giving a person in your past power? And so one of the episodes I watched was
a girl who was trying to get back at someone, uh, a friend from high school. And I'm like, why are we still hanging on to this? Like, why don't we work through that and do things for you? But, um, Yeah, it was all about getting revenge on people. And I'm thinking again, like everyone's going to live their lives no matter what, no matter what your weight is, people are going to live their lives.
So I think the sooner you can step out of the jealousy and the envy and really step into your own value and own your worth, that's when you'll see change.
Okay, and the reason OCD jealousy is a thing is because of all of the compulsions that show up as well as the obsessions. The obsessions are those intrusive thoughts. And if you're spending more than an hour a day in this cycle of worrying about the thing, checking on the thing, yeah, you might have jealousy OCD.
So let's start to step into those strategies to help you in beating this thing.
All right. First of all, I think just having a name to this can
[00:20:00] be very liberating because who knew that jealousy OCD was a thing, right? Okay. So just acknowledge that it exists, acknowledge that you're spending too much time and energy on this, and that you're ready for a change. Next, you can recognize the thoughts, okay, and start to imagine these thoughts and come up with whatever visual works for you have heard of plenty in working with my clients, like for example, that these thoughts are in clouds.
That are drifting by, or these thoughts are in cars that are driving down a highway. These thoughts are on a boat that's sailing away far off into the ocean. Create that separation today. They are only thoughts. And those thoughts, those narratives, those stories are not serving you. They're not. Don't bring them into 2025.
Don't continue to let this go on. Another day. And if you are really struggling with these thoughts, get some support and support is available. Now you can also really look at what, uh, what am I afraid of losing more than likely you're afraid of losing your significant other.
And so with OCD work, we can do a couple of things to help you with that fear.
Exposures can be really helpful and I totally get that they can feel upsetting and challenging at first, but with the right kind of support, you can handle it and you can move forward in not allowing these thoughts to show up in your relationship and to create distance and heartache and toxicity. So, Some of those exposure exercises could look like writing down the triggers.
And when you're writing, that helps you in getting it out, but it also helps you in visualizing. And sometimes the brain cannot tell the difference between imagination and reality. So we are going to purposefully Bring your mind to those observations, to those scenarios, because likely up until this point you've done a lot of things to try to avoid it, to try to control it, but now we're going to allow it in, if that makes sense.
Then, another exposure exercise could be like, alright, you're going to go to
An evening out or a friend gathering or what have you, and you're going to see your boyfriend interacting with Emma. And you're not going to watch, you're not going to monitor, you're not going to check. Yeah, I know, it almost like, you can feel the energy like, oh my gosh, how, how would I be able to do that?
But you're going to resist asking for reassurance, you're going to resist checking.
The other thing you may have noticed. That your thoughts are trying to neutralize your fear or, you know, help you feel better. Basically. That's what I'm saying by neutralize your fear. So you've got some thoughts going on that are trying to help you feel better where you're saying things like,
my partner probably loves me. Even if he like, like someone else, he really wants to be with me. Like it's a whole bunch of confusing mess, right? Um, yeah. So instead of trying to rationalize it or seek reassurance, we're just going to repeat that thought. We're going to repeat the thoughts and you can record it in your phone and then play it.
But I want you to record it. Here's the thing. You need to record these thoughts multiple times until you start to feel less anxious about them. And then that's when you hit stop on the recording. Then you're going to play it and you'll see the beat.
The [00:25:00] difference in how you felt from the start to the end.
And what happens is you are less triggered by these thoughts. They truly become like those passing clouds. And it's like, Oh, I'm not even worried about that anymore.
Okay. And if you are the type to check your partner's location or phone or text or social media, you are going to delay, skip and decrease the checking. So depending upon how much you check, maybe you set a personal best goal of like, I'm going to wait. Okay. So when I feel the urge, I'm going to wait five minutes.
All right. You could start there. Or it could be like, all right, I normally check, you know, on my lunch break, but I'm going to skip today. I'm not going to check. My boyfriend's socials on my lunch break. So you're gonna skip. Main thing is you start to get out of that cycle You're not feeding the OCD and you can start to be yourself again and to really focus on things that you value Maybe actually call your boyfriend or text them or FaceTime them be like, hey, what's up?
Just thinking about you. Love you. Bye, you know, all right And that just kind of gave me a random thought of how Much more beautiful that is to truly connect with your boyfriend versus you steaming and getting worked up over, Oh, I saw Emma comment on your photo today. Whew. Slow it down, slow it down. Okay.
Worst case scenarios are another exposure strategy. Yes, they suck, but you can handle it. And what happens is it's not that you're wanting this to happen, but it's You are allowing yourself to not get so nervous about it, so anxious about it, because right now you're doing a lot of things to try to control it, but we're trying to get this thought to really turn down the volume, so that it no longer bothers you, you don't even feel compelled to ask for reassurance.
And lastly, one of my favorite things is to practice gratitude. Because gratitude just shifts you into that abundance mindset, at least in my opinion. Because when we start to be grateful, or we're looking through a lens of gratitude, it's like, all of a sudden the sky has opened up and there's so many things that we could be grateful for.
And wonderful things that we may have not even noticed if we were stuck in that jealousy mindset.
And truly, with the abundance mindset, it's all about really feeling and stepping into that space that there is more than enough of everything and you are enough. There's enough love, success, and opportunities to go around, and this can help you in letting go of that scarcity, of that jealousy, and truly embracing.
Trust, gratitude, and growth.
So some opportunities for gratitude might be like celebrating your partner's work achievements.
Eventually you could get to a place where you're thankful that you can trust them without getting constant reassurance. You could be thankful that your partner has worked hard. Hobbies and multiple interests and loves to take care of themselves. Like if they go to the gym and spend a long time at the gym, man, good for them.
That's awesome that they are taking care of their body and their wellness. Um, and you know, another interesting shift is how you could view conflict as an opportunity for you guys to continue to learn and grow and, and, and, and, Build a stronger relationship. Now, I'm not saying, I'm not encouraging disagreements and all the things, but I hope you understand, like,
[00:30:00] Most couples reasonably have conflicts and just because you have a conflict or an argument you if you're in the abundance Mindset you won't see it as failure or like a sign of failure Okay.
All right, so glad you're here and In summary, we were talking about the OCD jealousy and jealousy is that emotional response? Where you're feeling threatened this could be really bad Real, perceived, imagined type of threat where you feel like something of yours is going to be taken. Envy is whenever you are jealous of what someone else has.
So I can kind of see how those can Can be different, right? Cause jealousy, they're going to take your stuff envy. You want to take their stuff or you would like to have their stuff, but we really focused on the OCD jealousy or the, we really focused on the jealousy OCD. And I really want you to think about this for a little bit.
Like how long do you want to carry jealousy in 2025? You know, and if you are looking to shed some weight this year, shed the weight of this. emotion because it is very toxic and I truly encourage you to step into the abundance mindset, the growth mindset, have some gratitude. And we talked about Khloe Kardashian's Revenge Body TV series, how it was such a flop because that toxic energy just, that's not going to motivate you.
And I don't think people want to watch that. I don't want to watch how people are jealous of other people. Nah. Um, So, you know, be careful of where you spend your energy and that, that is the same goes for OCD. Be careful where you spend your energy because I mean, you've heard that advice, uh, be careful who your friends are.
Well, be careful of how you spend your time because if you're feeding your OCD, it's only going to grow. And we talked about some strategies to help you break that cycle, to step into a place of mental freedom, of peace, ease, and contentment,
If you enjoyed the show, I would really appreciate a 5 star review so that we can get this show lifted on search results and out into the world for other people to hear, to hear this stuff.
Next week, I'm going to be talking about the fear of abandonment. I think that's going to be a juicy topic too, because We all have our attachment issues from time to time, right? So, if you have been struggling with that what if, of what if they leave, that episode's gonna be for you. Every episode is released on Fridays, and hey, if you find yourself in this boat of Jealousy or attachment issues or mindset problems, and you're really struggling in your romantic relationship Sign up for my Obsessed Less Love More program at livebeyonddoubt.
com You will enroll into the program You'll have an opportunity to ask some questions before getting started, but it is a 12 week group where we're going to meet for 90 minutes once a week to help you move through as a group, as a collective, in helping you find that deep fulfillment with your true love.
All right, y'all. Happy
to have you here and hope to see you back again next week. Bye.
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