Single & Overthinking? The Truth About Relationship OCD
In this episode, we’re unpacking relationship-centered obsessions—something that affects nearly 1 in 5 people. Maybe you're single and constantly questioning if you’ll ever find the right partner. Or perhaps you worry that past experiences have made you "too damaged" for a healthy relationship.
These thoughts can feel overwhelming, but they don’t have to control you. We’ll explore how these obsessions show up, why they happen, and—most importantly—what you can do about them. From mindfulness techniques to building self-trust and setting healthy boundaries, this episode offers practical strategies to help you navigate singlehood while managing relationship OCD.
Tune in now and start building confidence in your love life.
00:00 Surprising Facts About Relationship Obsessions
02:35 Common Intrusive Thoughts and Challenges
04:28 Practical Strategies for Managing Relationship OCD
04:52 Mindfulness Techniques for Dating
07:05 Building Self-Trust and Tolerating Uncertainty
09:39 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
09:56 Closing Remarks and Next Episode Preview
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Erin H. Davis: [00:00:00] Here's an interesting fact that may surprise you. Research published in the Journal of Obsessive Compulsive and Related Disorders shows that relationship centered obsessions affect about 20 percent of the general population. So, at some point in our lives, one in five people will have relationship centered obsessions.
So, whether you have OCD or not, Does this sound familiar? And if you're single, everyone tells you just enjoy it, live it up. But deep down, you are consumed with worry and you're wondering like, when am I going to find someone? Will I ever find someone? And even if you do find someone, you wonder if You're already too broken or if you could even trust them.
So in today's episode, I'm going to be giving you all the details about how relationship centered obsessions show up when you are single. Now, before we do a deep dive into singlehood and relationship OCD, let me tell you about my friends at Thrizer. Thrizer transforms the way clients interact with their out of network benefits.
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In turn, Thryser is an incredibly powerful tool for you and your practice to convert and retain private pay clients. You can try Thryser completely for free with my link. Okay, so let's explore relationship OCD, like how it manifests in single life, Why this matters and what you can do about it. As a relationship OCD coach who has worked with many high achieving women over the years, I've noticed a pattern.
OCD doesn't stop with just hand washing, organizing, or wanting things to be just right. Because OCD is a shape shifting monster. And it turns into a beast. For the things that you love and value, relationships are a main feature. It's like such a main course for relationship obsessions that it just wreaks havoc on your life.
So let me break it down for you and how it shows up. when you're a single. So common intrusive thoughts with relationship OCD is, what if I'm meant to be alone forever? Ugh, sucks, right? How will I know if someone's right for me? Or, what if I'm too damaged for a healthy relationship? These thoughts can feel incredibly real and overwhelming.
I remember working with a young lady who had been single for a while and her OCD manifested in a way of like, how can I handle Being physically close to someone like I haven't been physically close with anyone in years. So to jump into a relationship now, are they going to think I'm inexperienced? Are they going to judge me?
Will they even want to get in bed with me? The brain's need for certainty. doesn't disappear just because we're in a relationship. In fact, sometimes it gets louder. So next, let's talk about the common challenges with ROCD and being single. And oh my goodness, first of all, it's those dating apps y'all.
Like, I can imagine the stress you feel with the swipes and feeling like. You're on a menu and you've got to make this first impression with someone digitally that you don't even know and you don't know who's viewing your profile. You don't know if they're going to be a creeper whenever you show up for an actual date.
So, let's say you do take it to the next level with this conversation and you are chatting with a person. You're meeting up for the date, but you are so overwhelmed with anxiety. Like, am I wearing the right thing? What do we talk about? What if they ask me? How many sexual partners I've been with? Will they judge me?
Like, right? Like there's so many questions a woman is debating and contemplating on, like, that the relationship feels like a bundle of stress before it even gets started. And all of those questions just create spiral after spiral after spiral. So let's review the practical strategies to help you if you find yourself experiencing these relationship centered obsessions.
around being single and dating. So these strategies include mindfulness techniques, building self trust, creating healthy boundaries, and learning to tolerate uncertainty. Alright, so let's break that down. Mindfulness strategies, mindfulness is all about being in the present, being in the here and now without judgment.
So if you were to break it [00:05:00] down kind of simply, think about it as being aware. And when you are aware through this mindfulness lens, You are accepting that the anxiety will be there. And honestly, if you're experiencing the anxiety, it can feel very confusing to excitement. Because of all the adrenaline and dopamine and feelings.
Endorphins! Rather that you're getting the other part of being aware is just Observing these feelings without judgment. Also. I encourage you to move through the moment and Act as if the anxiety is walking alongside you but it's not in you or with you or influencing you in some Negative way. The other part of mindfulness, if you could envision the date going well and feeling excited and looking forward to a second date with them, that would be a great visualization exercise to help you in feeling confident in that conversation, in that dynamic.
Another part of mindfulness is making value based decisions. So list out your core relationship values and rate your decisions based upon those values. So kind of rank order. And then at the end of the day, acknowledge if you are honoring your values and definitely remove the should statements. Because should only brings guilt and shame and we don't need any more of that.
And when it comes to values, focus on growth. I think it's going to be very important for not only you, but also when you're looking at your partner and that they have a growth mindset where they are looking for abundance. They're always challenging themselves or they have future goals. And definitely, I encourage you.
Okay, so key point, just because you don't feel the sparks flying on the first date doesn't mean that this relationship couldn't work out for you in the long run. So just keep that in mind. So essentially have an open mind as you're doing, doing this dating experience next in building that self trust.
Notice your patterns of success, give yourself some compliments and accolades when you're doing something well, and you can build self trust by doing simple things, or rather, you can build self trust through making a manageable schedule, like don't overwork yourself, don't overachieve, just Find balance and be okay with that balance.
I know that can be hard as a high achieving woman, but you can totally do it. All right. So let's talk about tolerating uncertainty. Uncertainty feels uncomfortable and your brain wants to feel comfortable and get away from this discomfort that you're feeling. I want you to remind yourself that you can handle This uncertainty and you can handle the discomfort.
So just because it feels uncomfortable, it doesn't mean it's dangerous or that you should be avoiding this thing or that this isn't something that could still be good for you. So basically, even if it feels off or. Just very anxiety driven. As long as you're following your values, let the values guide you.
Okay, not the OCD, not the anxiety. And with the uncertainty, you can also take small incremental steps that lead to bigger steps. So the first step might be Just creating a dating profile, because ladies, I know some of you are afraid to even get out there because of all these what if questions, but I encourage you, maybe get a friend to help you and it just starts with the profile or at least going and socializing in a way.
that connects you with other people. Like, for example, I like the Meetups app. I think it's wonderful in helping connect people with one another. Like, it's a great way to use social media. So at least go and check out the resources. And then the next step would be to start matching with people. And then next is starting to talk with people.
Then we're, once we're talking with people, then we are deciding on the first date. And I encourage you, I mean, just for safety and I don't blame you, like meet in a public place the first time. And so essentially when you're dealing with the uncertainty, you start small and build up gradually. And it's okay to let the other person know like, Hey, I'm only comfortable meeting You know, at this particular restaurant or at this coffee shop, essentially what you will be doing is you are gradually expanding your comfort zone.
And remember, you've got this, you can do it. Alright, so overall, I want you to emphasize progress over perfection, highlight your small wins, Build your evidence for things that are going well, and it's okay to have setbacks and just normalize that. And finally, if you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe and leave a [00:10:00] five star review.
Totally enjoyed bringing this message to you, and I hope to see you back here next week where I'm going to be talking about the power of vulnerability in relationships. So, all right, take care, bye.
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*This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
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