Just Right OCD: It’s Not About Perfectionism | Ep 42
Ever feel like you NEED to line your shoes up perfectly or else risk total chaos? Just Right OCD is the red headed step child of OCD; it differs from the other subtypes. With no feared outcomes, this type of OCD can feel even more frustrating and is often misunderstood—even in therapy. I’ll share insights from the International OCD Foundation on my blog, along with humorous, real-life scenarios (hello, drive-thru embarrassment!). I’ll discuss how Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) can help you regain control and flexibility in your daily life. If you’re stuck in these obsessive habits, join me to learn how to break free and take your life back. See you next Friday for more on ERP!
00:00 Erin's Take on Overcoming Intrusive Rituals
01:00 Exploring Just Right OCD
04:08 Personal Anecdotes and Observations
07:58 Challenges and Treatment for Just Right OCD
16:58 Therapy Options and Encouragement
24:36 Conclusion and How to work with Erin
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Just Right OCD
[00:00:00] Erin H. Davis: We're partnering with NoCD to raise awareness about OCD. OCD is more than what you see on TV and in the movies. Imagine having unwanted thoughts about your relationship stuck in your head all day, no matter how hard you try to make them go away. That's Relationship OCD. It comes with unrelenting, intrusive images, thoughts, and urges about your partner or loved one.
[00:00:24] Erin H. Davis: Breaking the OCD cycle takes effective treatment. Go to n ocd.com to get evidence-based treatment, have you ever felt the need to do things just right? Like if you didn't arrange your shoes in a certain way, it just felt highly uncomfortable? Or if you didn't drink your water bottle down to a certain point and stop there like.
[00:00:49] Erin H. Davis: It just felt like it was too much. You can't even stand the thoughts of. Going any further with that water bottle or throwing it away or whatever that looks like for you. In today's episode I'm going to be talking about just right OCD and how that's different from the other subtypes of OCD. Hi I'm Erin, licensed clinical mental health counselor and OCD specialist.
[00:01:17] Erin H. Davis: I'm also a wife, mom to three, and small business owner. Helping those who are spiraling from intrusive thoughts to come out of that valley with long term recovery and self awareness. Reheat your coffee and pop in your air pods to learn how to boss up to OCD. So with Just Write OCD, I've got a fact sheet of from the International OCD Foundation up on my website on one of my blog pages.
[00:01:47] Erin H. Davis: So if you're interested in reading more about the Just Write OCD or you want that handout, it's on my blog page at valuedriventherapy. com slash blog. And so just right, OCD can tend to overlap with some of the other subtypes, but let me be clear. It's very different in that you're not necessarily experiencing a feared outcome.
[00:02:12] Erin H. Davis: So, you know, with the other subtypes of OCD, you know, the harm, the contamination, responsibility, religious. Like, there's some bad thing at the other end of the OCD story. But with Just Write OCD, like, there's nothing [00:02:30] that you're afraid of. Like, you're not worried about having a broken arm if you step on a crack, or you're not worried about getting in a car accident if you don't do a ritualistic prayer.
[00:02:43] Erin H. Davis: Like, no. The Just Write OCD OCD is very different in that you experience a feeling of discomfort that's out of proportion to the situation. It can feel like things are incomplete or that they haven't been done correctly, and like your brain cannot rest or be at ease until you take care of the situation until it feels quote unquote just right.
[00:03:13] Erin H. Davis: And with the just right OCD, it can be missed in therapy because of its uniqueness. You know, most of the time, even with trained OCD therapists, we're expecting you to have a feared outcome. And when you're saying, no, I'm not, I'm not afraid of anything. I just, I have to tap my phone four times before I open it, or I have to arrange my backpack in a certain way, or else I I just don't like it.
[00:03:42] Erin H. Davis: I can't stand it. It seems like it's very rigid in a way because there's no give, like there's no flexibility and it can often show up in a way too of how you're expecting other people. to act and behave and be in the world. And this kind of goes along the lines of patience. You know, not many Americans have patience.
[00:04:08] Erin H. Davis: And it may be true for other cultures too, but when you're waiting in the drive thru line for coffee, you're wanting people to go fast and you're wanting them to be patient. moving as soon as humanly possible because you got to have that coffee and you know what's so hilarious and I've even been Guilty of doing this like you're in the drive thru line.
[00:04:29] Erin H. Davis: Maybe at Dunkin Donuts. I'm not a Starbucks fan. I'll be real I'm not a Starbucks fan. Not really Dunkin Donuts fan either. I really like those Small town coffee shops or like the black rifle coffee company. I just had their coffee for the first time. And honestly, y'all was the best coffee I've ever had.
[00:04:49] Erin H. Davis: And being a former military spouse, I love that this veteran started the black rifle coffee company and y'all his branding is on point. He's got [00:05:00] all of the military references and like the boxes of the merchandise even look like trunks, like. for military equipment. And I'm like, that's so cool. All right.
[00:05:12] Erin H. Davis: But anyway, so you've been in the drive thru coffee line. You're checking your phone because honestly, when this happened to me, I was checking the menu. I was reading the menu on my phone so I could be ready and prepared and move through the line quickly. Well, what I didn't realize The person in front of me had already ordered, gotten their coffee, and gone.
[00:05:35] Erin H. Davis: Right? So have you ever been there? Like, you're looking at your phone, and then you look up and nobody's in front of you, and people are behind you in your line and you're like, Oh, no! My bad, everybody. At that point, I was like, Oh, I feel so embarrassed. So I drive up, to the window and the clerk is laughing at me and I'm like, was I sitting there a long time?
[00:05:56] Erin H. Davis: And he was like, Oh no, not really. I'm like, okay. Yeah, I totally was then. So I felt so bad and I wasn't doing it just right. But then I realized that this clerk is getting paid the same No matter if I'm pulling up to the drive thru window right at the exact moment or not. So I felt so embarrassed that I didn't pull up to the window when I should have and I was back there on my phone.
[00:06:25] Erin H. Davis: And, anyway. As I ordered my coffee and I'm waiting to get my coffee, I was like, man, I am so sorry. And he's like, Oh, don't worry about it. Like I was up here and I was able to clean and straighten a few things up. So I was like, Oh, good grief. I probably was back there a long time. But then it occurred to me that he was able to get a breather.
[00:06:48] Erin H. Davis: And I also observed it didn't bother him a bit. So while I was like, fretting in my mind. This clerk was not bothered at all. He actually had a moment to breathe and a moment to like, Probably recoup and recenter from the mad rush of doing the drive thru coffee line. And, you know what? Like, he's getting paid the same.
[00:07:11] Erin H. Davis: No matter if I'm Johnny on the spot and being right there at the window or not. The next time that you get stuck in the drive thru coffee line, I mean, I do encourage you to pay attention and not be on your phone in the coffee line. I mean, really at all while you're, [00:07:30] you know, driving. But Honestly, I was checking the menu so then I could be ready, but it backfired.
[00:07:36] Erin H. Davis: But anyway, if you're not pulling through the drive thru, Right at the exact moment. Take a deep breath, have some flexibility, give yourself some grace, but remember these employees They're okay. They're just fine. They will go on about their day and probably appreciate the moment They had to take a break.
[00:07:58] Erin H. Davis: Anyhow, in getting back to the Just Write OCD, it was very fascinating in learning about this subtype because it does show up so differently and it's not really like autism or anything else. If anything, it kind of resembles perfectionism, but also it's confusing because the person is not necessarily perfectionistic.
[00:08:25] Erin H. Davis: So let me break that down for you. It has to be perfectly done in their mind. But it doesn't look perfect on the outside. It can honestly look like little quirks that someone does. Maybe they need their bed pillows arranged a certain way on the bed, and it doesn't even look symmetrical or remotely organized or aesthetic, but that's just the way it's gotta be, right?
[00:08:52] Erin H. Davis: And then the other thing, like, let's say they've got a zippered backpack. They have to have their zippers Like all on one side or maybe it's some off the wall random thing where it's like no It has to zip only like three fourths of the way and I've got to leave a little gap at the end Like it just has to be that way now.
[00:09:14] Erin H. Davis: I've also experienced patients where They've got to pull their shades a certain way, or they've got to have their morning routine a certain way. And so, the reason why Just Write OCD can also be complicated is because we're having to undo a lot of rituals that are there. And, not only that, it's very easy for it to get out of hand.
[00:09:45] Erin H. Davis: Because if you have suffered from just right OCD, you've probably noticed that, you know, at first, let's go with the morning routine example. So at first, you just need to brush your teeth, shower, [00:10:00] get dressed, move on with your day. But then it turns into, you've got to brush your teeth, shower, get dressed, brush your hair, rearrange your shoes.
[00:10:10] Erin H. Davis: And like that feeling of just rightness hardly calms down. Like you may. Just get to a point where you're so exhausted and I've heard plenty of people who have said like oh my gosh Erin like my Rituals are so time consuming and so annoying like I don't even know why I do them But if I get out of bed, I have to do them And so it's almost like you're a prisoner to these obsessions and compulsions Overall, the Just Write OCD is experienced more so as feeling uncomfortable or as if something is undone or incomplete.
[00:10:47] Erin H. Davis: And it's not that, again, something bad would happen if you didn't do these things, it's just you can't stay in this feeling of discomfort. So let's say there's something that you're really passionate about. You're really passionate about recycling, having all of your plastics go into the recycling bin.
[00:11:08] Erin H. Davis: All right. But then you've got a guest over and then your guest throws their water bottle or their plastic water bottle into the trash. And you're like, Oh gosh, like I don't like that. Right? Like you want to take it out of the trash and put it in the recycling. And maybe you do, but imagine the discomfort you would feel if you left it.
[00:11:29] Erin H. Davis: Okay. Now multiply that by 10. And put it with all these other things that you do throughout the day that OCD dictates that you have to do a certain way. And imagine how exhausting that is, or maybe you're already there. And so with kids and teens with the just right OCD, they can get very frustrated very easily if things don't go the way they need.
[00:11:56] Erin H. Davis: Cause it's not necessarily they want it to go this way, but it's just that they're so uncomfortable. They can't stand it when their sibling touches their plate or, gosh, and speaking of eating things like, Let's say you're trying to serve up your kids food and they cannot have their food touching. Uh huh, yep, like there's no feared outcome here.
[00:12:21] Erin H. Davis: Obviously, like, so what if your green beans touch your mashed potatoes? But for someone with just right OCD, like, it can create [00:12:30] severe discomfort. The other example I've worked with is, like, when you give your kid a chocolate chip cookie and the cookie breaks and they're like, oh my gosh, like, I need to have this cookie solid.
[00:12:43] Erin H. Davis: Like, it needs to be a fully formed cookie. No breaks in the cookie or else I can't eat it. We got to start over. And so that's the other hard part about. The just right OCD for the sufferer is that if it's not right, you have to start over until it feels right. So anyway, yeah, it's not about being highly organized, right?
[00:13:06] Erin H. Davis: I just want to be clear about that because even if it feels just right to the person, it may not look neatly organized. We're partnering with NoCD to raise awareness about OCD. OCD is more than what you see on TV and in the movies. Imagine having unwanted thoughts about your relationship stuck in your head all day, no matter how hard you try to make them go away.
[00:13:31] Erin H. Davis: That's Relationship OCD. It comes with unrelenting, intrusive images, thoughts, and urges about your partner or loved one. If you think you may be struggling with Relationship OCD, there's hope. KnowCD offers effective, affordable, and convenient OCD therapy. NoCD therapists are trained in exposure response prevention therapy, the gold standard treatment for OCD.
[00:13:55] Erin H. Davis: With NoCD, you can do virtual, live, face to face video sessions with one of their licensed specialty trained therapists. It's affordable and they accept most major insurance plans. Breaking the relationship OCD cycle takes effective treatment. To get started with NoCD, go to nocd. com slash savage. So some other examples, it could be the way someone speaks.
[00:14:22] Erin H. Davis: They have to say words maybe a certain number of times or they have to be the last one to say it. I really come across this one the most, which is they have to be The last one to say, I love you. Like, I don't know what it is about that obsession and compulsion cycle, but this comes up so often just needing to be the last person to say I love you to your loved ones.
[00:14:51] Erin H. Davis: Well, another example is like rewriting and redoing things on maybe your schoolwork or projects or [00:15:00] whatever, but you feel like, let's say a check mark, for example, let's say you're at work and You're in a team of people like nursing, for example, or a medical field where you guys have to work together as a team to check off certain things for a patient and your coworker does backward check marks.
[00:15:20] Erin H. Davis: and you like the perfectly symmetrical check marks and like you cannot stand looking at those backward check marks and so you have to erase and redo and really that's not part of your job description is taking you away from patient care so it's very very challenging to deal with but you know you may have also noticed if you're suspicious that your loved one has this just right OCD they could be redoing certain Action, maybe it's blinking or swallowing or sitting a certain way or even restarting a conversation or combing their hair a certain way or, you know, drinking from their drink a certain way.
[00:16:02] Erin H. Davis: And. Or it just doesn't feel right. Or, like, maybe driving. They have to park their vehicle a certain way. And they'll keep undoing and redoing the parking! Oh my gosh! I know that can be a pet peeve for many. Anyhow, those are the key differences with Just Write OCD. And so according to the handout that I have on my blog, over 50 percent of people with OCD experience these just right obsessions and compulsions.
[00:16:34] Erin H. Davis: That's also super interesting. So those of you that have OCD, which in fact one in 40 adults in the U S has OCD. So if you think about that and then breaking it down even further, over half of you with OCD have this just right thing. So if you're Going through OCD, you know exactly what I'm talking about when it comes to these just right themes.
[00:16:58] Erin H. Davis: And so the treatment for this is going to be exposure response prevention, which is that first line gold standard treatment of therapy. And what you'll be doing in those exercises is you'll be working with your OCD specialist to talk about the hierarchy of what you are able to tackle first. So. Let's say in your morning routine, you have to arrange your shoes a certain way before you leave.
[00:17:26] Erin H. Davis: Well, especially if you're doing a virtual session, you could [00:17:30] challenge yourself with, and your therapist is there to help you and guide you, to rearrange the shoes. You know, you can start small. Maybe you just move one an inch out of the ordinary of what you feel is just right. If you're someone who is hanging on to objects.
[00:17:51] Erin H. Davis: Just because it feels wrong to throw them away or to move them, then you will be challenged to move them or throw them away or whatever that looks like for you. You know, the other thing that comes up in working with Just Write OCD is the person feels like these behaviors are part of their personality.
[00:18:15] Erin H. Davis: Like they feel like this is them and this is how it's going to be forever and that they cannot possibly change. I'm here to tell you that you can absolutely change and you can live with things not being just right. You can live with things being open or unfinished or unaligned. You don't have to fix it to your liking all the time, which you know you don't have to fix it, but you feel like you cannot handle the discomfort.
[00:18:47] Erin H. Davis: And you totally can. While this can be something that you've dealt with for a long time, I want you to know this is not who you are. This is not your personality. It's not something that everyone just does. Like this is something that you can change and it's something that can improve your life if you do change.
[00:19:09] Erin H. Davis: Because imagine what it would be like if you don't have to do All of these rituals that you can just let things be. And imagine the freedom you would get if you don't have to finish every single thing. Whether it's reasonable or unreasonable. Let's say you have to sit a certain way or in a certain spot whenever you're watching TV.
[00:19:34] Erin H. Davis: Imagine if you could just sit down and relax and it's not about how you sit, where you sit, what you're doing. Like, no. You just enjoy your TV show. Alright. So once you enter treatment and you're doing the exposure response prevention, your brain will learn how to handle the discomfort. And, you know, we're all looking to get like stronger, better, tougher, whatever [00:20:00] phrase, we're all looking to feel more powerful within ourselves.
[00:20:05] Erin H. Davis: So imagine that you're getting your power back because you don't have to move the body. Your pencil to the one spot on your table in challenging the just right OCD. You can start to feel your freedom again. You don't have to worry about things being crooked or broken or incomplete. And you're not alone in experiencing this type of thing.
[00:20:29] Erin H. Davis: So imagine how it can also improve your relationships, y'all. Because in your relationships, whether it's with a brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, you have been wanting them to do and say things a certain way. And if they don't, you're highly upset. Right? Like, you can't stand it. Like, you feel like, why do they not know this already?
[00:20:51] Erin H. Davis: Like, they should know by now that I like my coffee a certain way in the morning. Or, you've probably gotten to the point of like, I don't even want my spouse to make my coffee because they just don't do it right. When really, what if we relax, take a step back from Things being just right, to them being enough, or being good enough.
[00:21:14] Erin H. Davis: In summary, the just right OCD is different from the other subtypes because there's no fear involved, it's just a feeling of discomfort that feels like you can't tolerate it. It can improve and get better through exposure response prevention, where you are challenging those feelings. And next week I'm going to have an episode about exposure and response prevention.
[00:21:36] Erin H. Davis: So come back to learn more about the method to the madness, like why we do exposure and response prevention in OCD work. So once you're through the treatment, imagine how it can change the ease within your brain and how you can be more flexible. You can leave things the way they are and you don't have to spend your time, energy and efforts in getting things to this state.
[00:22:00] Erin H. Davis: Just like my, uh, my, my, my, my, my, my, my girlfriend's name was Ali. Um, and, and my boyfriend's name was Farlene. And his name was, was Laverne. Everything, or really, it's not even you, it's what your OCD has done to your brain. And what your OCD is telling your brain that it has to be done this [00:22:30] way or else we just can't move on.
[00:22:32] Erin H. Davis: Like, that's no longer true. Imagine how life would be so different if you are no longer believing and falling into those compulsions. We're partnering with NoCD to raise awareness about OCD. OCD is more than what you see on TV and in the movies. Imagine having unwanted thoughts about your relationship stuck in your head all day, no matter how hard you try to make them go away.
[00:23:00] Erin H. Davis: That's Relationship OCD. It comes with unrelenting, intrusive images, thoughts, and urges about your partner or loved one. Breaking the OCD cycle takes effective treatment. Go to nocd. com. To get evidence based treatment. So, just right, OCD affects over half of OCD sufferers. And if this is you, I encourage you to schedule a consult with me today.
[00:23:29] Erin H. Davis: If you're looking for therapy once a week, I've got you covered. We'll have our therapy, and that's, on average, patients are with me about 12 to 15 appointments. But if you're looking for something more advanced, more clinical, Of the big leagues, like you want more intensive therapy. You're ready to completely have this OCD behind you.
[00:23:52] Erin H. Davis: Sign up for my ERP intensives. Go to value driven therapy dot com. Go to the therapy tab and then go to the intensive outpatient program for OCD to learn more about my virtual. intensive outpatient program. And in this program, we're meeting three hours a day, three times a week for three weeks. So in total, that's 27 hours of therapy to help get your brain moving forward and learning to be flexible and tolerating the discomfort that comes.
[00:24:24] Erin H. Davis: I mean, we're all looking to get better and to have self awareness and self growth. And this is a great opportunity to help people. You grow, and in a quick, efficient, and effective way. Alright, come back next week to hear about exposure and response prevention, and why we do it. All right, happy Friday, and I'll see you next week.
[00:24:47] Erin H. Davis: Thank you for listening to another episode of Bossing Up Overcoming OCD. This information is intended to be helpful and not a substitute for professional counseling. If you're struggling with any mental health [00:25:00] challenges, I encourage you to seek help from a qualified therapist or health care professional.
[00:25:04] Erin H. Davis: If you enjoyed today's episode, please take a moment to rate and review the show in the Your feedback helps us reach more listeners. And don't forget to check out the affiliate links in the show notes for handpicked recommendations that can brighten your day. Your support through these links helps keep the show running and provide valuable content.
[00:25:22] Erin H. Davis: You're not alone in your journey. Stay strong, stay resilient, and keep bossing up. See you next time.
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